Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

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Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  The Lad on Tue Oct 25, 2011 8:28 pm

Hi All

Received this for From a friend and I would like to share it with you ALL and get your opinion

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME!!!

Three sisters ages 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath.. She puts her foot in and pauses...
She yells to the other sisters, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know. I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses "Was I going up the stairs or down?"
The 92 year old is sitting at the kitchen table having tea listening to her sisters.
She shakes her head and says, "I sure hope I never get that forgetful," she knocked on wood.
She then yells, "I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see who's at the door."
__________________________________

TELL ME THIS WON'T HAPPEN TO ME!!!

An elderly Lady called 999 on her mobile phone to report that her car has been broken into.
She is hysterical as she explains her situation to the operator: "They've stolen the stereo, the steering wheel, the brake pedal and even the accelerator!" she cried.
The operator said, "Stay calm An officer is on the way."
A few minutes later, the
Officer radios in. "Disregard.." He says, "She got in the back-seat by mistake.."
_____________________________________

I CAN HEAR JUST FINE!"

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine March day.
One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?"
"No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday..."
And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."
_____________________________________

SUPERSEX

A little old lady who had lost her marbles was running up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and say "Supersex.." She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair Flipping her gown at him, she
Said, "Supersex."
He sat silently for a moment or two and finally answered, "I'll take the soup."
_____________________________________

ROMANCE

An older couple were lying in bed one night. The husband was falling asleep but the wife was in a romantic mood and wanted to talk. She said: "You used to hold my hand when we were courting." Wearily he reached across, held her hand for a second and tried to get back to sleep.. A few moments later she said: "Then you used to kiss me." Mildly irritated, he reached across, gave her a peck on the cheek and settled down to sleep.
Thirty seconds later she said: "Then you used to bite my Neck..." Angrily, he threw back the bed clothes and got out of bed. "Where are you going?" she asked..
"To get my teeth!"
_____________________________________

DOWN AT THE RETIREMENT CENTRE

80-year old Bessie bursts into the rec room at the retirement home. She holds her clenched fist in the air and announces," Anyone who can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight!!" An elderly gentleman in the rear shouts out, "An elephant?" Bessie thinks a minute and says, "Close enough."
_____________________________________

OLD FRIENDS

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years, they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day, they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me.. I know we've been friends for a long time but I just can't think of your name.. I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her.
Finally she said, "How soon do you need to Know?"
_____________________________________

SENIOR DRIVING

As a senior citizen was driving down the motorway, his car phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, " Vernon , I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on M25. Please be careful!" "Hell," said Vernon , "It's not just one car.. It's hundreds of them!"
_____________________________________

DRIVING

Two elderly women were out driving in a large car - both could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along, they came to major crossroad. The stop light was red, but they just went on through.
The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself "I must be losing it. I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes, they came to another major junction and the light was red again. Again, they went right through. The woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous. At the next junction, sure enough, the light was red and they went on through. So, she turned to the other woman and said, "Mildred, did you know that we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could have killed us both!"
Mildred turned to her and said, "Oh! Am I driving?"

Could this happen to us !!!! I honestly hope i have NOT offended anyone with this if so please ask for it to me removed

take care

Jim thelad


The Lad
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Could This Happen?

Post  bonsaisr on Tue Oct 25, 2011 9:00 pm

My husband is 85. The other day, I had a big load in the washer. I was in the other room, so I asked him to reset the dial on Quick Rinse. He looked and looked, and said, "there's no Quick Rinse on the dial." He was looking at the dryer.
I still remember the time my father was looking all over the house for his glasses. They were pushed up on his forehead.
Iris

bonsaisr
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Could this happen to any of us

Post  The Lad on Tue Oct 25, 2011 9:34 pm

bonsaisr wrote:My husband is 85. The other day, I had a big load in the washer. I was in the other room, so I asked him to reset the dial on Quick Rinse. He looked and looked, and said, "there's no Quick Rinse on the dial." He was looking at the dryer.
I still remember the time my father was looking all over the house for his glasses. They were pushed up on his forehead.
Iris

Hi Iris

Bless him I am 20 years younger than your hubby and believe me some of the things I seem to forget sometimes makes my other half Cringe Maybe its a MAN THING as I have done the glasses thing before now

The Lad
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Re: Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  Todd Ellis on Wed Oct 26, 2011 3:43 am

Those stories are priceless! Thank you for sharing them. My wife and I had a great laugh!
Best,
Todd

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Re: Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  Tony on Wed Oct 26, 2011 8:53 am

Maggie Thatcher was visiting some old folk in a nursing home in Surrey, she chatted to a few residents then approached an old Lady sat in a chair facing the window, "Hello" Maggie said... "Sod off" the old Lady replied. "do you not know who I am?" replied Maggie "go ask matron... She will tell you who you are!" was the reply.


_________________
Tony Tickle.. "that's not your real name is it?"

‎"Study me as much as you like, you will never know me, for I differ a hundred ways from what you see me to be. Put yourself behind my eyes, and see me as I see myself, for I have chosen to dwell in a place you cannot see." — Rumi

Visit Tony's Bonsai website

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Tony
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Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  The Lad on Wed Oct 26, 2011 11:07 am

Hi all

If you think your not losing it try this


Alzheimer's Test


How fast can you guess these words? without checking the ANSWER AT THE BOTTOM FIRST


1. F_ _K
2. PU_S_
3. S_X
4. P_N_S
5. BOO_S
6. _ _NDOM


Answers:





























1. FORK
2. PULSE
3. SIX
4. PANTS
5. BOOKS
6. RANDOM

You got all 6 wrong
.IF YOUR MIND IS LIKE MINES

Well, you don't have Alzheimers, but others maybe call you something else


Take care and always keep smiling and LAFFING as it does confuse many people when you do

Jim thelad

The Lad
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Re: Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  J. Beryl on Mon Oct 31, 2011 5:01 pm

Good ones!

J. Beryl
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Re: Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  ogie on Mon Oct 31, 2011 10:33 pm

Hi Jim,
Best thread I ever read since i join IBC you guys are Pricless and a gem thanks for sharing
Take care
Alex Very Happy

ogie
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Re: Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  Storm on Tue Nov 01, 2011 2:10 pm

I must admit, I got every single one wrong there Jim...

Storm
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Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  The Lad on Tue Nov 01, 2011 3:19 pm

ogie wrote:Hi Jim,
Best thread I ever read since i join IBC you guys are Pricless and a gem thanks for sharing
Take care
Alex Very Happy

Hi Alex

in these days its great to make people smile and happy and I am glad that you enjoyed this thread But I am sure there's amny many more that we would ALL GET WRONG lets hope others will add to the thread

thanks again Alex

Take care and look after each other and all your Bonsai Trees

Jim thelad

The Lad
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Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  The Lad on Tue Nov 01, 2011 3:32 pm

Storm wrote:I must admit, I got every single one wrong there Jim...

Hi Storm

I could say GREAT MINDS THINK ALIKE by getting them ALL WRONG but I am sure other would call us other names

I am glad you enjoyed the Thread as its nice to make everyone smile and happy by what they read

Thanks for answering and let hope others will be able to add to the Thread as I am sure there's many of us with a wonderful sense on Humour

Take care and look after each other and all your Bonsai Trees

Jim the lad

The Lad
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Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  The Lad on Tue Nov 01, 2011 3:35 pm

J. Beryl wrote:Good ones!

Hi Beryl

Good to hear that your enjoying this Thread and thanks for answering

Take care and look after each other and all your Bonsai Trees

Jim thelad


The Lad
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Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  The Lad on Tue Nov 01, 2011 3:38 pm

Todd Ellis wrote:Those stories are priceless! Thank you for sharing them. My wife and I had a great laugh!
Best,
Todd

Hi Todd

Good that you both enjoyed the Thread lets hope theres more to get ADDED

Take care and look after each other and all your Bonsai Trees

Jim thelad

The Lad
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Re: Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

Post  Jim Doiron on Fri Nov 04, 2011 9:37 pm

An elderly couple were leaving a bar not realizing a cop was right outside watching. As they drove off the cop followed and, sure enough, it was clear the guy had had a few too many. But before he could pull them over the driver took a hard turn and the wife fell out of the car and rolled into the grass at the side of the road. The cop immediately pulled him over and checked on the wife who was bruised but ok. He walked up to the car where the old man was sitting quietly and asked, "did you realize your wife fell out the car at that last turn?" The man looked up at the cop with surprise and said, "Oh thank god you stopped me and let me know, I thought I was going deaf".

Jim Doiron
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Re: Could this happen to any of us !!!!!!!

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