I could NOT resist

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I could NOT resist

Post  JimLewis on Thu Dec 30, 2010 7:37 pm

The Washington Post's Mensa Invitational once again invited readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition


Here are the winners:

Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.


Ignoranus: A person who's both stupid and an asshole.

Intaxicaton: Euphoria at getting a tax
refund, which lasts until you realize it was your money to start with.
[/size]


Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.

Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas
from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of
breaking down in the near future.
[/size]


Foreploy: Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid.

Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.


Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Inoculatte[/b]: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

Osteopornosis: A degenerate disease. (This one got extra credit.)

Karmageddon: It's like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes,
right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer.


Decafalon[/b] (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Glibido: All talk and no action.


Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web.

Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito, that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.


Caterpallor ( n.): The color you turn after finding half a worm in the fruit you're eating.


Last edited by JimLewis on Thu Dec 30, 2010 7:48 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  Hans van Meer. on Thu Dec 30, 2010 7:46 pm

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.
Some off those are brilliant !! Very Happy
Thanks for posting!
Cheers,
Hans van Meer.


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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  David Brunner on Thu Dec 30, 2010 9:08 pm

Thank you Jim – very clever and funny. Here is a modest contribution:

Bondsai (n.): the powerful natural force that binds a bonsaist to a potted tree or trees. It can be the cause of over-crowded benches, large agglomerations of “sticks-in-pots”, and even domestic discord.

David B.

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  John Quinn on Thu Dec 30, 2010 9:20 pm

Nice Jim.

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  Storm on Thu Dec 30, 2010 11:02 pm

Very nice.
I liked Ignoranus the best, hehe.

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  Guest on Fri Dec 31, 2010 1:28 am

Love it Jim. Any more?

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  Guest on Fri Dec 31, 2010 2:09 am

BONESAI- dead bonsai

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  Todd Ellis on Fri Dec 31, 2010 2:29 am

Very clever! Loved it!
Todd

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  Guest on Fri Dec 31, 2010 4:04 am

Ausbo. Austrian Social Behaviour Order. I realise this is an abreviation of ASBO (Anti Social Behaviour Order)a civil order made against a person who has been shown, on the balance of evidence, to have engaged in anti-social behaviour, but I could not resist. I think this comment may disappear into the ether too.

Well, Will . . . How about:

Pedestrial: (adj.) Someone who continues to push a rather dull, pointless, (and mean-spirited) "point," esp. in someone else's thread.

jim

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  my nellie on Fri Dec 31, 2010 10:41 am

Very clever neologisms!
For me this is the best: Inoculatte: To take coffee intravenously when you are running late.

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  JimLewis on Fri Dec 31, 2010 2:02 pm

Not as good, IMHO:

The Washington
Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest,
in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common
words.


And the winners are:


1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.


2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.


3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.


4. esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.


5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.


6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.


7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.


8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored
mouthwash.


9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.


10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.


11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.


12.. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.


13. Pokemon, n. A
Rastafarian proctologist.


14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with Yiddishisms.


15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.


16. Circumvent, n. An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  fiona on Fri Dec 31, 2010 6:55 pm

Threadbare, adj. The inevitable outcome of persistent postings of an antagonistic and personal nature against another forum member

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  fiona on Fri Dec 31, 2010 7:11 pm

Immoderate adj. Failing to effect the outcome mentioned above

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  fiona on Fri Dec 31, 2010 7:33 pm

artichoke n. the practice of stifling creativity with artificial and often contrived pre-conceptions or rules

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  fiona on Fri Dec 31, 2010 7:48 pm

Anaesthetic n. a state of artistic numbness brought about by too many pseudo-rules and preconceived notions about what a bonsai should look like. Fortunately reversible

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I get the message

Post  Guest on Fri Dec 31, 2010 8:48 pm

Happy New year and goodnight


Last edited by will baddeley on Fri Dec 31, 2010 10:20 pm; edited 1 time in total

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  Smithy on Fri Dec 31, 2010 9:26 pm

LEGOIST Prone to egotism with the mind of a child and the personality of a brick.

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  fiona on Fri Dec 31, 2010 11:37 pm

Suffolkation n. a feeling of being stifled in one's own back yard, perhaps a tad unjustly, and not really knowing if that daft bi... moderator (immoderator?) from Jockland is joking or not. Smile

All in the spirit of fun, Will. Honest sodjers.

Have a great bonsai-ing 2011.




Last edited by fiona on Sat Jan 01, 2011 4:01 am; edited 1 time in total

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  Guest on Sat Jan 01, 2011 1:48 am

I'm awake now....couldn't sleep in my empty pram, having launched my toys out over a vast area. Happy New Year Fi. cheers

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  RKatzin on Sun Jan 02, 2011 1:16 pm

Analgesic- relief for the common pain in the ass.

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  fiona on Sun Jan 02, 2011 6:58 pm

RKatzin wrote:Analgesic- relief for the common pain in the ass.
lol!

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  Jay Gaydosh on Tue Jan 04, 2011 4:01 am

BONSAI:

The art of taking a little tree,
design it with pruning, wiring and time
and planting it in a little pot.


BONGSAI:

The art of starting with a little pot,
getting a serious case of the munchies
and forgetting you even own little trees.

Jay

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Re: I could NOT resist

Post  Jay Gaydosh on Tue Jan 04, 2011 4:50 pm

How about a BONZI SCHEME

The act of maketing little tree starts held in little pots with glued in rock as real bonsai
for the purpose of cheating thousands of Mall shoppers out of their hard earned money!

affraid affraid affraid

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Re: I could NOT resist

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