BonsaiBark Critique (1)

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BonsaiBark Critique (1)

Post  Robert Steven on Thu Nov 08, 2012 6:23 am

I have a "Bonsai Critique" forum on BonsaiBark where people send their bonsai for critique and suggestion. I just want to share with our IBC friends here, the posts which have been published on BonsaiBark..and hope you will like it. For other posts, you can visit www.bonsaibark.com

This is one of the bonsai sent by Sumardi from Indonesia, a Pemphis.



Here was my comment :

The focal point of this tree is on the bending curve of the trunk; and this focal point has good point of interest, but this feature has not well explored to create an outstanding bonsai. In the contrary, it gives a negative effect to the upper part of the trunk, which gives a too straight illusion; and consequently gives less visual balance, the overall movement is less dynamic, less beauty and less evocating than it can be.

From the line character and the crown shape, this tree looks rather feminine, soft and casual, but the rectangle shape of the pot with the strong sharp corners is too strong, too masculine to the tree. Consequently, the overall image is less charming.

My solution is to correct the straight line image of the trunk by leaning the tree slightly to the left. By doing so, the trunk does not look too straight now; it creates a nice continuous flow with clearer motion direction. In order to emphasize the movement, I shorten the right side branches and lengthen the left side; I change the movement to the left instead of to the right because this is more logical considering the root base formation.

The crown size is slightly reduced and opened with more spaces to reduce the heavy feeling.
Then, a new pot with round corners is used to fit the soft character of the tree. And I believe this new design is more charming in cheerful mood.




Note :

My critique and recommended solution might not always fit your taste because there is always personal preference and option in designing bonsai. But I always try to give my opinion based on artistic principles and horticultural convincing approach.

Robert Steven
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virtual tree

Post  abcd on Thu Nov 08, 2012 10:11 am

An other possibility
[img][/img]

abcd
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Re: BonsaiBark Critique (1)

Post  Guest on Thu Nov 08, 2012 11:34 am

Nice to see you back ! bounce
Hope to see more of your works and recent travels here again...and your constructive critiques of trees here in IBC.


As for the tree and the redesign solution...very nice as usual! the base, the trunk and the branches got a more cohesive movement.


regards,
jun Smile


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Re: BonsaiBark Critique (1)

Post  Guest on Thu Nov 08, 2012 11:49 am

Hi Robert Steven

I like your suggestion to the tree....the ballance become nice.

kind regards Yvonne

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Re: BonsaiBark Critique (1)

Post  Khaimraj Seepersad on Thu Nov 08, 2012 12:40 pm

Hello Mr. Steven,

thanks for taking the time to post the image.
I like the tree, a few bar branches, but your solutions fix everything nicely.
Ha Jun, now I can aim my 3 year old [ ? 4 ?] into an erect shape. See you in 50 years. Laughing
Later.
Khaimraj


* If possible how old, how tall ?


Last edited by Khaimraj Seepersad on Thu Nov 08, 2012 12:41 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Forgot to ask.)

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Re: BonsaiBark Critique (1)

Post  Guest on Thu Nov 08, 2012 12:42 pm

abcde,

I think what Robert trying to suggests is to try to create a harmonious movement for the composition. That is why he suggested to create a left side movement for the tree because the trunks movement is suggesting that the tree (trunk) is moving to the left...that is why he is trying to extend the lower left branch to serve this purpose. and minimize the heavy right side branches.
...but, we'll see what he thinks of this.

From what I learned from somebody, One of the basics of design is to follow what the tree's trunk is suggesting (even with fresh yamadori) then from there, you create the branches as suggested by the tree itself.

regards,
jun Smile

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Re: BonsaiBark Critique (1)

Post  Sam Ogranaja on Thu Nov 08, 2012 2:07 pm

jun wrote:abcde,

I think what Robert trying to suggests is to try to create a harmonious movement for the composition. That is why he suggested to create a left side movement for the tree because the trunks movement is suggesting that the tree (trunk) is moving to the left...that is why he is trying to extend the lower left branch to serve this purpose. and minimize the heavy right side branches.
...but, we'll see what he thinks of this.

From what I learned from somebody, One of the basics of design is to follow what the tree's trunk is suggesting (even with fresh yamadori) then from there, you create the branches as suggested by the tree itself.

regards,
jun Smile

I agree with Jun. I think Robert's design is more balanced. It makes sense that those branches would grow longer and pull the tree to the left.

Nice design.

Great to see you posting again Robert....and Jun Smile

Have a great week!!!
Sam

Sam Ogranaja
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Re: BonsaiBark Critique (1)

Post  Robert Steven on Thu Nov 08, 2012 3:47 pm

Thanks buddies. It's good to know that you like this, and I will share more posts from BonsaiBark..

Jun is right, my intention is to create the dynamic movement to the left. There are always option in bonsai design, so ofcourse we can do as abcd suggested to create the movement to the right, but then we should reset all the other element to fit the design in order to suggest the another mimic in harmonious composition, yet logical in horticultural clue.

I have a simple reason why I do the movement to the left. Despite of the trunk movement, my main consideration is the root base formation. The main root direction is going to the left, so normally the trunk and branches movement will follow the direction of the root system..this is the basic plant physiology that we can apply to bonsai design.
But ofcourse we can "break" this principle if we know why and how to set into logical clue. Here is my simulation with the flow to the right...



In this setting pose, the main root that going to the left is not suggesting that it goes to find water source, but it is an anchor to hold the tree since the tree is growing on a slooping land. Although the tree suppose to grow to the right following the roots system (for water sources), but the tree is fighting to grow straight to find sunlights (this is also basic plant physiology) and to find its growing balance; so that the bend of the trunk is formed. The container shape enhance the story....

So we can do different design with the same tree, but all the elements should be set in consistent unity. When we do it correctly, we don't need to tell in description, but the design will talk for itself and that's what makes a bonsai evocating...



Robert Steven
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Re: BonsaiBark Critique (1)

Post  Sakaki on Thu Nov 08, 2012 4:24 pm

Great critique.
Thank you Steven!
I would like to see and read more of your critiques Smile

Taner

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Re: BonsaiBark Critique (1)

Post  Robert Steven on Fri Nov 09, 2012 2:07 am

Thank you Sakaki... I will share more.

Robert Steven
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Re: BonsaiBark Critique (1)

Post  my nellie on Wed Nov 14, 2012 11:35 am

I have collected some of the BonsaiBark critiques as educational material. Very instructive! Thank you very much, Mr. Steven!

my nellie
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Re: BonsaiBark Critique (1)

Post  Robert Steven on Sun Nov 18, 2012 10:30 pm

Thank you My Nellie, I will post more...

Robert Steven
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Re: BonsaiBark Critique (1)

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